The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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