i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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