you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize