i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
