It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
