He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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