I looked at my own cervix.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
