this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
