i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Randomize
