Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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