She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
