I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
