i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
