rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
