Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
