omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
COCAINE IS GR8
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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