Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
