I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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