i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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