he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
