her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
