I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My vagina just recognized that song.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i believe in u and ur pee
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
