Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
