Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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