i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
