everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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