I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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