The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
