i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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