My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
People in love make me want to vomit
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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