is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it's like iHOP with fire
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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