At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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