Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
