I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
