Pants 0. Shit 1.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
