I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
