You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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