guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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