God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
be right there i have to get my cape
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I love you. Go after that dick
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
