The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
