Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
