Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
