Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
