Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
