cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
there is glitter all over my balls
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
