Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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