You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
