I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
