So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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