3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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