i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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