margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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