I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
