I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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