I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
