I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
