i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Terrible idea I love it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
