I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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