im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
