walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
