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we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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