I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
